James 1:2-18

 Today I am struggling. I am struggling with the weight of responsibility of being a deacon. Struggling with keeping focused on Gods goodness, God greatness and His plan for our church. Struggling to keep my head up and focused on Him rather then the tasks at hand or the obstacles that need to be overcome.

This is a trial, a time of uncomfortable stretching and growing my faith. 

The temptations are growing. They are heavy. My heart is looking for reasons to stop, whispers of "just stop, no one will blame you", "You don't need to do anything, just stop", "this isn't what you signed up for and this isn't your job".

But my mind knows the truth, this is a time of trial and temptation. I need to keep at this, keep the focus on God and God alone. Keep my head up and rise to what He is calling me to do. I need to grab a hold of his promises and not let go. No matter the trial, no matter the temptations, I need to fight and keep fight.

Please pray for me friends. That I focus on Him and not the tasks at hand. That I'll keep fighting the good fight.

And this is how I will remember you

May Mei Xiu Yang

May Mei Xiu Yang

1927 - 2015

May Yang was born on August 13th, 1927 in the town of Cheuk Ham, Kai Ping, in the province of Canton, China, under the loving care of her parents and siblings, her childhood and early years were carefree and joyful. She was one of the lucky few who had the opportunity to obtain a formal education, and as a result of her hard work and diligent studies, she was admitted into Kai Ping’s First Senior High School during the late 40s. This was an exceedingly prestigious school renowned for being notoriously difficult to enter, especially for a female student at the time.

In 1947, May Yang married Tony Yang, and a year later they had their first daughter. After a short while of taking care of her new baby child, she returned to her studies, a book bag on one shoulder and a child on the other. Despite the challenges, she was able to graduate from high school and continued on to complete a post-secondary education in teaching. As a teacher, May took her pupils’ education very seriously, while at the same time also cared deeply for each and every one of her student’s well-being. Over her 30 years as an educator, May’s passion for education and compassion for her students garnered an intense love and respect from both students and parents alike. In fact, she would end up becoming good friends with many of these students.

Even as a teacher, May kept true to her studious nature and took every opportunity to learn and continue her own education. As she taught her students, May would often become a student herself and simultaneously take advanced education courses to further improve her teaching ability. Her efforts were not unnoticed, and she was nominated numerous times for excellence in education and for being one of the top teachers in the entire city. Over her 30 years of teaching, May cultivated countless talented young minds. With former students strewn across Asia, North America and Europe, her impact has been truly global.

May was a gracious mother to three daughters and three sons with whom she raised to all be successful despite the hardships of having a full time job and being in a challenging cultural and political environment. May had often said that her children kept her going and gave her the strength and determination to persevere. There is no better word to describe her other than selfless.

In 1981, May gave up her passion of teaching and moved with her husband and family to Vancouver, Canada in hopes of pursuing a brighter future for their children. She continued working to build a new life for her family until 1989 when they moved to Calgary. It was here that she retired and became a full time grandmother to eight grandsons and four granddaughters. May has been blessed with seven great-grandchildren. Even in her more advanced years, she has always been willing to help out. She instilled her teachings of culture, values, and patience to the young generation so they can carry it forward and become successful in their futures. The immense love and respect for May from her family is undeniable. Let us remember this beautiful, kind, industrious, and

brave woman as our mother, grandmother and friend!

God,  I screw up a lot.  No matter how hard I try, I screw up.

Focus

Its nice to back in school full time. I feel like I can really focus on working towards the future. That what I am doing now will allow me to reach my future goals. Goals to get married to Dana, purchase a house and many other things.

I'm very excited to see where I will be in two or three years. Where I'll be working and what I'll be doing day to day. I want to be working for CPS. I really really want to work for CPS. Passing these classes will help me get there =)

Sadly I've lost my ability to sleep anywhere. These past few days I have not been able to sleep on the bus. This makes me really sad but I am now looking to replace that time with reading. I have a few books at home and as well as on my phone. Not sure if I should be reading from my phone since I'm staring at a computer all day in class and at work.

I'm going to try to blog more often this year. Maybe once a month haha.

Hello

Hello All.
I'm at work and I'm blogging.
Why? Because no one will be in the office until 4 PM =P

Jesus Help me get through this day.
I'm very tired and many things that don't usually get to me having been getting to me.
I cannot handle this on my own. But with You I can. =)

When The Tears Fall

God I cling to You.

You are my hope.

You are my dream.

You are the song I play in my heart.

You are the One I look for.

I've had question, without answers

I've known sorry, I have know pain

But there's one thing, that i'll cling to

You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior

When the pain surrounds, I'll call you healer

When the silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow

Through the darkest night of my soul

You surround me an sustain me

My defender, forevermore

I will praise You, I will praise You

When the tears fall, still I will sing to You

I will praise You, Jesus praise You

Through the suffering still I will praise you

God,
Help me.
Help me take it to the next level.

God,

I'm in a big hole

The light seems to be so far away.

My old best friend

My sister used to be my best friend.
Before I went to school and before I was able to meet other people I had my sister.
Everyday she would play with me. My memory is really fuzzy, I can't remember what we did but I do remember the feelings. Joy, pure joy everyday. We would play together everyday, eat together and it was awesome. Eat, play, sleep.

I remember when my Aunt and Uncle(Warren and Vinson's parents) were moving out. My parents and I were helping them. We loaded up everything and were about to leave when I noticed that my sister wasn't coming with us. Maybe it was because I though we were all moving together but I couldn't shake the thought that we were leaving behind my sister. I was extremely upset.
She told me she was just going to school, no where far. I didn't listen, I thought I would loose her forever for some crazy reason. I cried on the ride to my aunts new house and cried until we got back to ours. Cried myself to sleep. I was a very emotional child.
But of course, the next morning I was playing with my sister again.

Its funny. God does weird things. I been praying for sister and family for six or seven years now. I've questioned weather or not God would save them. I've freaked out about them going to hell and fell down on my knees in prayer. Begging, pleading, hoping. Kinda like how I was worried about leaving my sister behind when I was younger. But God has a plan.
I am the gateway for God in my family as many of you guys are to yours. God will use you. Yes, Y-O-U. Tell your parents things like "God says he loves you", "God told me to tell you that I love you mom". Back your statements with action. Weather its giving them a massage after a long days work, making dinner or helping out around the out. Even saying welcome home or hello every time they come back home. This has been extremely effective with my mom and dad. My mom has been asking me questions every now and then about church and God. although not saved yet they are getting curious. The bible says "Seek me and you will find me, when you seek Me with all your heart" Jeremiah 29:13. My mom is begging to seek.
God has not forgotten about my family and has definitely not forgotten about yours.

Come Back

I wanna have a passion again.
I wanna see you Jesus, to have you as the lead and head of my life.
I am trapped by my own laziness. I do not know how. I wanna see you more, seek you daily.
Remind me God. Remind me.

One of those days

God, you are my strength. Help me get through.
I am tired and weak.
Help me God. Send helper for me.
Its been getting tough to care for my grandma again.
Amen

-David

Hello Jesus

I would really like your help right now.
I don't feel so good.

The Reason

One day.
Someday.
You will save a life.
Maybe you will know it.
Maybe you won’t.

Everything you go through, everything you get through teaches you something. Or gives you the answer that someone else needs.
So know this.

If you are hurting, if you are aching, and you get past it. You survive. Your live on. You beat it.
You can save a life.
Because you know what to do.

Others are struggling. Others are hurting. Others need help. So know this.
If you beat this now. Here.
Or maybe a little later down the road.
You will have the answer. You will be able to help.

That’s what I believe.
Sometimes, you will never know who you are going to be helping or saving.
But know this. The God of the universe plans everything in great detail.
So know. There is purpose to everything you go through. Good and Bad.
Because you are called to save a life.

Rage Quitting is for the?

Have you ever raged quitted?
In a game of MW3 or LOL?
I have many many times.
Back in the day of the MW2 and you hear “TACTICAL NUKE INCOMING” and you know your team is behind, you quit. There is no point in going on. Or when its a endless amount of spawning and dying due to the countless Harriers and Chopper gunners in the air you rage quit.
Rage quitting is for the angry.

Many many times have I had the change to rage quit in real life. Just happened before I’m writing this actually. Rage quitting from things like life, relationship, family, friends, traitors, church, and yes, even God.
Some times I you just get pushed and pushed and pushed to the very edge.
Family does not understand you. Girlfriend is not making sense(more then usual haha), friends don’t really know you, church isn’t until Friday, and God seems very far away.
Rage quitting is for the confused

There have been times, where you justify or convince your self I should just quit. Rage quit these things. 
“I can’t do this, I can’t go thought this alone.”
“My parents don’t understand me like yours do”
“You have no idea what I’m going through”
“My sister and brother don’t talk to me”
“God does not love me”
And the list goes on and on.
Rage quitting is for the broken

Truth be told, yea, your most likely can’t do it on your own,
Your parents may not understand you,
Others many have no idea what your going through,
Your brothers and sisters may or may not talk to you
But there is just one thing.
Rage quitting is for the lost

God does love you.
That is the only reason I am here now.
Rage quitting is for the meek

I have learnt that, the only reason why I felt alone, distant from everyone, is that I didn’t let anyone know. The reason God felt so far away, is that I didn’t ask him for help. 
I thought. I am a lone wolf. I am the master of my own life. I am a guy. I’m a man.
I am stronger and can do this on my own.
I learnt the harsh way that, I’m not.
Rage quitting is for the lonely

So, Rage quitting is for the Lonely, meek, lost, broken, confused and angry.
If that’s you. Then Rage quit like I did, and say this:
“God I quit.
I cannot do this any more.
I give up this act I’ve been putting on. I don’t want to be alone.
I want be belong. I have to be loved and love.
I quit being lonely, meek, lost, broken, confused and angry.
I want love, friends, family, healing, guidance, help.
I’m quitting the leading position in my life.
I’ve been lending my life and I’ve ended up here.
I want you to lead.”

After all, look where Rage quitting got Jonah.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/NQNVJZ_pmG0

Alone I am weak.
With God I am overcome all.
Thought one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of 3 strands is not easily broken.

As hard as it is. Find people you can relate to. It requires you to opened and be vulnerable to judgement. But the rewards are worth it.

I’ve found love, friends and family with this.
By no means is my life perfect. Its far from it. I’m still facing meek, lost, confusion, brokenness and anger.
But I am not alone.

You my friend are not alone. Leave your name or even leave an alias if you don’t want to be known.
And I will pray for you my friend. So you will not be alone. I will stand with you and reach out for you.

Your not alone.
I’m with you.
God is with you

God is in control

I wrote this a long time ago, and yes. I am still smiling

Your heart picks up pace.
Beats faster and faster as you closer and closer.
30seconds before you arrive, you doubt your self.
No, I should not. I should not. I should not.
10seconds before the window closes your overcome with nervousness.
5seconds before the window closes you do it covered in nervousness.

Since I've done it, I've been smiling.

Long time.

Quite a while actually. A lot has happened. 

My grandam is doing better. She seems to be some what happier. Once a week now, she comes over to our  house after dialysis to have dinner. She enjoys it very much. 

I finally got a car, no more will my dad have to wake up so early. He can have his extra hour or so of sleep.

I do need to work on doing things before my dad gets to it. My dad is the kind of person that will do it if it needs to be done. Even if it's bad for him. For example, I told my dad that I would change his car tires the next day. I woke up the next morning to attend Saturday Morning prayer, and was back home by 12:30pm. I was gone for 2 hours. In that two hours he changed his tires and blew his back again.

I need to get to things before he does.

Today I realized something.

For quite a while, I've been trying to live my life by understanding that no God has a plan for everything you go through, and I mean everything. I've been doing aright for the most part. 

But it was a real struggle today. I had to fight hard for it. In my thoughts and in my heart. I was screaming with emotions inside and I really had to fight my self to remember that everything happens for a reason. That God has a plan. No matter how bad, sad, mad or whatever you are feeling. There is a greater purpose that you do not realize. I kept on reminding that to myself today. Kept on saying "There is a purpose, there is a purpose, there is a purpose". It kept my clam for the most part. When ever I wanted to lash out with negativity, I spoke the words again. "God has a plan, and there is a plan to this". 

So remember, God has a plan for you. No matter how bad or how crappy. Keep on reminding this to yourself.

``For I know the plans I have have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future``

Jeremiah 29:11

Its one thing to say it, its another to live it.

I am a fool

Its been a while.

Hey, its been while since we talked.
I'm just going to spill whatever is on my mind.

I am weak, very weak. I want to be portrayed as strong tho. I want to be strong. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I always hear and see people, go "Oh look at the big strong boy", "get the big strong guy". Well, I'm big but not strong. Every time I hear that I feed the need to be more masculine. I feel like I need to portray the idea they have of me being strong. Sometimes I wish they would stop.

Last year the theme was Extreme based on 1 John. Oh want a wonderful start that was (sarcasm).
Never have I felt that before. Like a needle being contiguously strung thought your body seamlessly. The night blew up. I wasted there time, so many helped prep the night. Only for it to fall.

"Hey, lets get our fearless leader to do it", I will never forget those words. I was this "fearless leader". Never was I more scared."Would they ever forgive me? Do I even deserve it? What am I suppose to say? What can I say? It would just go right through them". That was all I could think of. The days leading up to this buzzed by. The minuets leading to this were not slow or fast, but the moment I stepped forward, the moment my eyes met there, time froze. I was the point of focus. Words slowly made it out of my mouth. I didn't know how to handle it. I defaulted to smiling, keeping things structured, telling them how things have been changed to prevent this. All these excuses. At the end of it, I never said it. I'm sorry. Sorry for putting you guys thought all the pain. For not apologizing to each and every single one of you. I am sorry.

Where is my fruit?
They say good leaders have good fruit. So where is my fruit?
How do you be a leaders? I was once told that "You cannot hold on to every youth, if you do you will go crazy, some of them will walk away and you can't do anything about it".
Is it my fault they are walking away? What if I was better?
Right now, as it feels like some have walked away, I'm trying to focus on the ones that are there. To me, it feel like I screwed up the first batch and now I'm trying to work on the second one. I'm a complete useless moron. There are people. Not some baking recipe. I can't give up on the first batch, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to lead. I feel so wrong

God, where am I?

At the end of the day. No matter how hard I try, I mess things up.
I'm sorry Dad.
You won't have to drive me to work much longer. I can't buy a car right now so I'm going to buy a bike to start off, then you can some more sleep. I will try my best to be a better son and look after Elaine better. I'm sorry to have caused you so much stress and to take away your sleep.

I'm sorry I can't put thoughts to words. Just about all the time, I will think of something, and start it, but not finish it because I don't think things all the way through. Just like my actions. I don't do things all the way through. This overlaps in all aspects of my life. I start but don't finish. Bible studies, events, homework, prayers, working out.

I am ridiculous.