Who said it was easy being a christian??

This morning I felt like puking my guts out and then chopping off my head from a MASSIVE head ache so I decide not to go to Church, and that was a big big mistake.
So I slept in a bit and when I woke up I felt better. My parents brought me and my sister to the cemetery to see my grandpa and "Bi Sun". When we got there my aunt, uncle and grandmas were all doing the Chinese bi sun thing with those Chinese sticks and the the burning of the money. After a while then they asked me to do the bi sun stuff with the sticks and I said no. Right after that my mom said (in Chinese) your not baptized so come here and just do it, its not like your actually apart of the church. I was ticked off but I managed to suppress it. Then my grandma walks over to me and makes my me feel even worse and said (in Chinese) of all the kids in the family he loved you the most so why don't you bi sun. And I was even more angry with that and felt bad....Sigh* what a bad morning today was.

Over the past several weeks I have been killing my self by not sleeping enough. After school I just want to go fall on the floor and sleep, but I can't. Have parasitic and then go to my cousin and make sure they do there homework, do my homework and when all that is done its around 11 or 12. And then I need to take a shower and stuff. I do my devotions and journal and when I crawl into bed, my mind goes thinks about everything and I can't fall asleep for another 30min to an hour. Now I'm thinking about quitting rugby, taking four academic courses, tutoring cousins and joining rugby isn't the best idea. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELP ME JESUS!!...
And yes I've been praying everyday before I go to sleep, or try to sleep and well, my mind is still in a mess after that!!

But hey, on the brighter side of things I started to go to another bible study on Saturday mornings at the panorama community center. Another day of fellowshiping with other believers. Another day of being able to learn about God. Even with all the things going on in my life and the busyness, God gave me more time to be with Him. And that's all I could ever ask for.

"Walk on"

Here I stand Before a Solid Towering Wall, I look to my left and see no one, I look to my right and see no one, I look to my left again and there Stands God. He said "Walk on", and walks in front and takes the lead, and I follow.

=)

There was a person and he looked on the flood and his footprints were scattered everywhere..they were all over the place..he had no clue where he was going..he asked God to help and and soon enough, God had laid down a straight path for him, as he walked this path he came across a section where his foot prints were scattered again...he asked the Lord what happened?he said "Lord have you left me?"
The Lord replied, "Why have you forgotten?? that is when we danced"

I don't remember where I herd this..but yea, and its not the exact same thing but its close i think.

God is a amazing God.

In His time

Never have I wanted anything more then this. I fell on my knees, broke in to tears asking God for it. It consumed my heart. Its so painful, I was so angry, so upset, I just couldn't hold it back or hide it anymore. It all came out, as I fell on my knees for God. I let it all out at Him and I yelled at Him. I hit the ground with my fist in anger. I wanted them to know Him so much, that I even got mad at God for not saving them. My mom, my dad, my older sister, and my younger sister. I know I shouldn't of. And well I know better now I guess. I need to be able to control my self and my feelings no matter how painful or angry I am. I need to pray for them and for myself too. I need to life up my feeling to the Lord and look for his comfort, and most importantly, I need to be patient, let the Lord decide when it will be time.

"Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit" -Zachariah 4:6

Not by my might or my attempts or how hard I try, but by the Holy Spirit will then my family will be saved.