Taste like Salt once again.

He just doesn't know.
Has no Idea.
He has no idea why it's so salty.
But whatever he says to himself.
Then again, is it still good?
It's just not right.
Its off.
Hummm.
Its not like he has been purposely adding salt to it.
It's just salter then usual.
Been like this for a while.
Every so often he feels like trashing the dish.
Its not working for his customers.
Only causes them to dislike the cook more and more.
What is he doing wrong?

...

I dislike you socially constructed everything.

Up yours socially construed vales and expectations.

I hate you Mead's and your so called "Role taking".
I dislike your thoughts of Preparatory stage, play stage game stage crap.
Screw you and your primary and secondary, socialization.
You can go die.
Someone go shoot discourse in the ballz

ZeroOne

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Don't tell me.

Show me.

Prove it to God.

Embedded

Its you.

All you.

Has always been you.
It's never been anyone but you.

We may have thought, at one time or another it was someone else.

But we were just being stupid in those moments. We should of know it was you.

It's never ever anyone but you.

You cause it. You caused everything.

Everything, everything is your fault.

How do you remove that from your heart?

After so many years of relentless engraving and embedding.

Years and years, and still counting.

It's only picking up.

I'm looking for Home.

Green Lines

Ok, its true. 

Oh so very true.
Camp was off the hook.

It was amazing to see Him move the way He can move.
It was a super de duper awesome to see all of our prayers answered.
It was awesome.
Praise God.

Thank you Jesus.

Now..whats the next step?

We've met with you.

They've met with you.
Met with you in such a different way.

Now the question is...what is the next step?

How do we push for more? How do we teach?

How do we plan? So many questions.
What needs to change in our meeting?

How are we going to change in our meeting?

A lot of question that need answering.

Oh Lord, looking for the answers. When you gonna show us them?

Guess Who

"You mind as well just pick someone..."

"ok"

"Is it Philip?"

"...."          T_T

"Is it?"

*Cries*

and He says..

I'll live=)

WHY?!?!?!?!
WHY OH WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS LORD!!!

And I will never know why.
Gotta find peace with that as Pastor Kat said so well.

Your son is so tired.

So tired.

Worshiping You.

Thats all I want to do.

Right now.

Just me and You Lord.

I want to just fall before You and just sing.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY...

WISH I KNEW!!

I really do.

I really really really wish I knew what God wants me to do right now.

I know what he wants me to do in a few years.

But not sure about what he wants me to do now?

HOLD UP!!!
HOLD ON!!!
WAIT A SECOND!!!

Ok....i just farted.

as i was saying...

what am I suppose to do now?

to be more specific....

well..I don't wanna be more specific on my blog where all are free to read..lol

HUMMMMM

so I will say this.

Every want something? Or lets say dream of something. Always hoped for. Always wanted to be.

Well, God has this plan for me you see.

This plan involves joining the army in a few years.

And well, this is only a small part of the problem. Well i shouldn't say problem, more of a concern. Joining the army would only put what I wanted, what I've dreamed about, what I've hoped for, what I've always wanted to be on hold. The bigger concern is well, I don't know if God wants me to make it a career choice.

If it were to be my career choice, then that mean I would have to say goodbye to what I wanted, what I've dreamed about, what I've hoped for, what I've always wanted.

It's like..GG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha

Well I don't know yet. 

My friend Mr.Leo said just keep the doors open.

And well. I guess I will stick to that?

Keep them open. And not let anyone go through, but let them stand in the door way? then let them in or slam the door depending on the outcomes of the next few years?

God will say Yes, No or Wait.
He said to me.
Wait and I will tell you yes or no.

OK!! WHO DID IT?!?!?!?!
WHO PRAYED PATIENTS ON ME?!?!?!??!!

Fight

I wanna fight.

Fight for those who can't.

Fight for God.

Fight for those souls.

Fight for His kingdom.

Fight for those in training.

For the innocent

For His children

To protect His church.
Protect His children.

I wanna charge into a fortress filled with enemies.

I wanna fight them and win.

I wanna be a Hero for God.

I wanna see.

See the enemy.

Pull out my sword.

and charge. Full on. All out.

Save a life.

Young men will see visions.
Old men will dream dreams.

I wanna see visions. Dream big dreams.

One Goal, just one goal in your life

His Goal, it's God's goal for your life.

My Goal, you need to make it your goal for your life.

One Goal, His Goal, My Goal.

That's what it means.

The One Goal for my life is His Goal for me. I need to make it My Goal.

I wear it. Never take it off. Always to remind me.

All that matters, is what He wants for you.

Thats it.

What God wants.

Thoughts

Every wonder "what if"?

What if I did this.
What if I was more clear.
What if what if what if.

I've been thing a lot about what if.
What if I did this or that. Would things have turned out this way? or better?

I'm tired.
Tired of carrying. Tired of pushing.

I think, just maybe.

I picked up one too many.

YAC, Summer Camp, DVBS, Sunday School, Boys Fellowship.

Looking forward to next year.

Dropping it all but YAC and Boys Fellowship

Am I burning out?

I know I'm not feeding my soul enough.

I need to find another source. My soul is hungry.

Has been for quite a long time now.
Sunday is my only food.

Leo, your right. I'm giving up too much.
I need to eat more. I can't keep this up too much longer.

I need to be active. Not lazy.
Need to work on DVBS a whole lot more.

Get registration opened asap for DVBS

Need to work hard on my spring course.

I need to find a way to teach in a captivating way for Sunday school and DVBS.

Need to start and keep up with the Boys Fellowship.

And the only way I'll be able to do any of that is with Jesus.

And your prayers would be nice too.

ticked off....

Laugh at me.

When you don't even get it.

Shield of Faith

Lord,
Let your son rest.
He is tired and weakened.
Continue to give him strength to hold up the Shield of Faith.
Shield that repels all attacks and keeps him safe.
Thank You Lord.
Amen.

When God Moves.

It is amazing.
To see God moving. Right before your eyes in people lives.

It is amazing.

It touches your heart.

This feeling of, excitement, joy, happiness, shoots up from your tummy to your heart. and then it spreads like lighting to the rest of your body and you are just overwhelmed by just seeing God move in these people, in YAC.

They've all grown so much. So very much.

I remember way back, when Althea was one of the kids attending DVBS, and for the last few years, she has been volunteering and now wants to become a teacher. Oh Lord thanks you! so so much!!

Florence and Grace, the both of them used to be so shy. Now. My jaw drops at how much they have grown. Like oh man. And seeing there hearts at Fresh wind fresh fire just..

It was just great! How awesome are they!

DANA! DZ! ZHAO! G SLICE!

I have no idea how I met you haha.

All I remember was that me and Calvin bother you much so you would come to YAC and then you started coming haha.

What I've seen in you these past, year. Has been great. I'm so excited to see what else God has in store for you this coming year. Just follow and holy cow will things be way awesome.

I love YAC

Thank you so much God. Putting me in this great awesome ministry of Yours.

Seeing so many youth and as well as fellow committee members grow. It is just, amazing.

Thank you so much for letting me be apart of this. This thing called YAC.

Growing in this Church. CCPC. Calgary Chinese Pentecostal Church.

Know people like, Leo, Enoch, Sarah, Jenny, Kingston, Florence, Grace, Nathan, Clement, Amy, Elijah, Emmanuel, Darren, Christine, Dana, Althea, Geo, Eunice, Zevida, Jiffany, Uncle Dean, Uncle Bill, Auntie Catherin, Auntie Emily, Auntie Daisy, Pastor Laing, the Allreds, and so many more. All these people shaped and helped me to become who I am now.

These people are awesome.

With the end of Fresh Wind Fresh Fire, God has showed me so many things.

I know I need to concentrate full on YAC 100% in this next coming year. This will be my last year doing DVBS, Summer Camp, and Sunday School.

I also need to start pour into someone. Disciple someone. Why now? because next summer I'm doing army reserves, and then after that, I'm transferring into active duty somewhere over seas.

Exciting stuff.

Stilling waiting for Your word God.

Waiting on what You want me to do.

Shall I make joining the army my career and life style?

Or is there something you want me to do or see and come back?

Oh Lord thank you.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Talking to You is so exciting.

When You move Lord..

It is amazing.
It is aw inspiring.

It is revealing.

It is just great.

Thanks!

Friends make work awesome!

=D!!!

Thanks for coming guys!

You all make work so much more fun!

I love serving you all haha

Thanks Dana, Florence, Grace, Sarah, and Anita for coming and making my day so much better!

You guys are the best!!!

God Bless you guys!!!

#151

It is now 1:22am.
I should be sleeping.
So..
GOODNIGHT!!!


ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Waiting for the Good stuff.

I've finally started to dislike school haha.
Nearing the end of winter semester.

I've been enjoying it for sometime now and come the final 2 weeks of school,

I'm so very not enjoying it now haha. Its just now starting to be a drag.

Maybe it's because I'm so excited to slack off come spring.

But not slack off too much. I'll still be taking one spring course.

There are so many things I'm looking forward to!

The end of winter semester will signal the start of it all!

House sitting for Nathan and Meely will be great!

School will be for once in my life only a 30min bus ride away!!!! I'll also be finding out what it'll be like to live on my own and take care of a dog. I want a dog haha. I've been thinking a lot about moving out lately, mainly because school is so far away haha. DVBS planning will be starting soon, but I'll be able to put way more time and effort into it once spring semester starts. There is also Jesus Expo and Summer Camp. Both are only going to be way awesome.

End faster school! End faster!

Mut yea lai ah?

Something is missing from my life right now and I have no idea what it is. I have this strange void feeling in me. Like some hole. Just some random empty space in me. I want it to be filled. But I have no idea what it is suppose to be filled with.

It's really annoying.

Lord, fill this hole.

I wanna be whole.

I want to look in the mirror, and see all of me.

I want the black void to disappear.

Fill me.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Frustration

Why can't people get it?

As specially when there in the position they are in.

They are in a position of influence, leadership, where not just one, but many look up to and even more importantly, it's a ministry of God.

Like COME ON!!

CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW VITAL THIS IS???
CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT YOUR DOING???

THIS IS GOD'S MINISTRY YOUR MESSING AROUND WITH!

It's just so annoying.

CAN YOU NOT SEE?

WHAT HE CAN DO?

God, show us.

Show us our faults.

Show us what we need to fix.
Show us how to better ourselves for You.

Help us.

Break us.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Untitled.

I wish I could run away.

Run away from Calgary.

Just spend some one on one with God.

Nothing to bother me.

Nothing to think about.

Just me and Him.

A few friends are heading to Vancouver in April.

They've asked me to come.

I want to go..

But I don't feel I deserve to go.

I've been lazy.

Not putting enough work in to school.

Not putting enough effort in to the things God wants me to do.

I need to work harder on these this before I take a "break".

I enjoy school.
I do.
But it takes so much time away.

Time away from YAC.

Planning boys fellowship.

Still looking for that balance.

James 1:12.

So fast.

Time just slips away.

So fast.

The 16 days of the Olympics already over.

Half way through 2 semester of 2year already.

Last year of DVBS planning and running.

It's already been like...5 years now?

5 years I've been attending God's house.

and 4 years since He has given me the vision of what I am to be.

In one year I'll have a taste of what He has for me.

In 2-3 years I'll be walking and living that vision.

Lord,

Thank you.

For all the blessing.

Such a wonderful church You have placed me in.

Such wonderful leaders, pastors, and friends You have provided

The memories of all the swell and yes, thank you for all the hard times as well.

The hard time that have made me better for you. Taught me what to do and what not to do.

Thank You for allowing Canada to have Gold.

I ask for you to make the next few years great.

I wish to see...

No, I will see YAC grow, 100 attendees at camp, the Youth to be baptized, DVBS to be overloaded this year.

Thanks again Lord.

Amen

-David

It's Yours

Your life is yours.

You as a person have incredible influence over your own life.

Influences over your own emotions and thoughts.

Yes there are outside influences as well, but you are your own ultimate influence.

Your behavior is yours. You can allow sorrow or sadness to take your heart.

You can allow your self to be depressed. You can allow your self to stay at home alone to pointlessly think about your pain.

Ultimately, if you want to be happy, you will strive to be happy.

One of my problem was association.

How I would associate the simplest things with someone.

Like the color red, snow, seats on a bus, newspaper, education, Japan, Supermarkets and the list goes on. I would allow my thoughts to go down when I see these simple things.

Another one of my problems was my heart. Your a fool if you let your heart go so easily, thinking that there will be no consequence. It will get pushed, bruised, cut, and broken.

I was so stupid. I let it happen not once, but three times.

Life was never made to be easy, nor was it made to be fair.

Life isn't fair.

Faster you learn that, the better off you will be.

Replace

I've started.

Finally.

Now I just need to finish.

Unlike most roads, this one is long and lonely.

I have to focus on the goal at hand.

Not look back or to the sides.

Ignore emotions, they only lead to pain.

Forget the wants of the selfish heart, they will only hinder.

Cast aside dreams, they are not meant to be.

I'm not alright

Something inside wants to come out.
But it cannot.

So many things I want to do.
Want to say.

But I cannot.

Keep it locked up.

Don't let anyone come near it.

And you'll be good.

It's about time.

And the Door is Closed.

LOCKED

GONE!
BYE BYE!

Now what should I do with the key?

Should I throw away the key, and keep this door closed forever?

Or hope for the best and maybe open the door in like...10 years time?

But what I do know, is that the door to my heart is now locked.
And will stay locked for the years to come.

Locked until my task is done.

and maybe, just maybe

One day...I'll unlock it...

Push

I was rather angry today.

So what did I do?

I pushed my self.

Forced my self to go harder.

Ran until I puked.

Pushed until I was breathless.

Now I have no strength to be angry.

Weights

When you workout.

You don't share your weights.

You use them. Do it on your own.
Push your self to the end.

I carry my weights on my own.
I push my self on my own.
No pain, no gain.

Things.

The most simplest things,

bring so much weight.

Tank On.

Taking On.

What was I thinking.

I don't need to rethink my strategy.

It's fine.
It'll work

Heart on Hold

I wanna watch Dear John.

I just saw the preview for the movie today, and well..

It captured my attention in a different way.

After I saw the preview, it got me to thinking..

When I do join the army..

Will I come back?

Will I even live?

It got me to rethinking my strategy..

Would it be worth it to fall in love?

Would any girl wait that long..

If there is such an amazing one willing to wait..

What if I were to stay? or die?

Wouldn't they be crushed..

Well, there all "what ifs" thoughts.

So I'll just throw those thoughts aside for now.

My Iron Wall

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Reminders

My greatest fear has nothing to do with anything of this world.

My greatest fear is what God will do if I do not obey.

He told me, and has reminded me many times.

Reminded me so often, that I know, this is something I cannot avoid.

I've always known I guess. That I cannot change a path that was made for me.

A friend of mine put a hole through my wall, and a whole bunch of water came out.

Now, I want to fix this wall. But how can I?

With my friend standing right there, continuing to put holes in my wall.

There is a way. To push my friend aside, and put up something that is stronger the brick.

Something no one can break open.

But to get this material, and summon the strength to push my friend aside. It would hurt me deeply.

I lied, I was not tired, but was lost in the fog of the night.

The thick cloud of nothingness.

01001100011011110111011001100101

I was surprised when you told me that you were wearing that necklace I got you way back when. I stumbled on what to say. I didn't believe it was the same one I got you. Thank you. Thank you for wearing it. It made me happy.

What is leader? What are attribute of a leader?

Lately. I've been wondering about that. Am I a capable leader? Am I a capable Chair for YAC?

Why me? Its been puzzling. A lot of reflecting I've been doing, mainly on faults and errors I see with in what I've been doing. How to correct these things. But currently, I'm only seeing with me eyes. Only what I think is wrong. As a leader and Chair for YAC, what am I doing wrong? As a man of God, what can I improve on?

Dictionary

Definitions of empty on the Web:

• make void or empty of contents; "Empty the box"; "The alarm emptied the building"
• holding or containing nothing; "an empty glass"; "an empty room"; "full of empty seats"; "empty hours"
• vacate: leave behind empty; move out of; "You must vacate your office by tonight"
• devoid of significance or point; "empty promises"; "a hollow victory"; "vacuous comments"
• remove; "Empty the water"
• needing nourishment; "after skipped lunch the men were empty by suppertime"; "empty-bellied children"
• evacuate: excrete or discharge from the body
• a container that has been emptied; "return all empties to the store"
• emptied of emotion; "after the violent argument he felt empty

Definitions of Hurt on the Web:

• ache: be the source of pain
• give trouble or pain to; "This exercise will hurt your back"
• pain: cause emotional anguish or make miserable; "It pains me to see my children not being taught well in school"
• injury: any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc.
• cause damage or affect negatively; "Our business was hurt by the new competition"
• distress: psychological suffering; "the death of his wife caused him great distress"
• hurt the feelings of; "She hurt me when she did not include me among her guests"; "This remark really bruised my ego"
• suffering: feelings of mental or physical pain
• feel physical pain; "Were you hurting after the accident?"
• detriment: a damage or loss
• suffering from physical injury especially that suffered in battle; "nursing his wounded arm"; "ambulances...for the hurt men and women"
• suffer: feel pain or be in pain
• damage: the act of damaging something or someone
• damaged inanimate objects or their value

Definitions of Fear on the Web:

• be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; "I fear she might get aggressive"
• be afraid or scared of; be frightened of; "I fear the winters in Moscow"; "We should not fear the Communists!"
• be sorry; used to introduce an unpleasant statement; "I fear I won't make it to your wedding party"
• an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight)
• be uneasy or apprehensive about; "I fear the results of the final exams"
• concern: an anxious feeling; "care had aged him"; "they hushed it up out of fear of public reaction"
• reverence: regard with feelings of respect and reverence; consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of; "Fear God as your father"; "We venerate genius"
• a feeling of profound respect for someone or something; "the fear of God"; "the Chinese reverence for the dead"; "the French treat food with gentle reverence"; "his respect for the law bordered on veneration

Definitions of fade on the Web:

• become less clearly visible or distinguishable; disappear gradually or seemingly; "The scene begins to fade"; "The tree trunks are melting into the forest at dusk"
• lose freshness, vigor, or vitality; "Her bloom was fading"
• evanesce: disappear gradually; "The pain eventually passed off"
• slice: a golf shot that curves to the right for a right-handed golfer; "he took lessons to cure his slicing"
• languish: become feeble; "The prisoner has be languishing for years in the dungeon"
• gradually ceasing to be visible

Definitions of love on the Web:

• a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; "his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"
• any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";
• have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"
• beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
• get pleasure from; "I love cooking"
• a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love"
• be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply"
• a score of zero in tennis or squash; "it was 40 love"
• sleep together: have sexual intercourse with; "This student sleeps with everyone in her dorm"; "Adam knew Eve"; "Were you ever intimate with this man?"
• sexual love: sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people; "his lovemaking disgusted her"; "he hadn't had any love in months"; "he has a very complicated love life"

Definitions of future on the Web:

• yet to be or coming; "some future historian will evaluate him"
• the time yet to come
• effective in or looking toward the future; "he was preparing for future employment opportunities"
• a verb tense that expresses actions or states in the future
• future(a): (of elected officers) elected but not yet serving; "our next president"
• bulk commodities bought or sold at an agreed price for delivery at a specified future date
• a verb tense or other formation referring to events or states that have not yet happened; "future auxiliary"

Definitions of alone on the Web:

• alone(p): isolated from others; "could be alone in a crowded room"; "was alone with her thoughts"; "I want to be alone"
• alone(p): lacking companions or companionship; "he was alone when we met him"; "she is alone much of the time"; "the lone skier on the mountain"; "a lonely fisherman stood on a tuft of gravel"; "a lonely soul"; "a solitary traveler"
• entirely: without any others being included or involved; "was entirely to blame"; "a school devoted entirely to the needs of problem children"; "he works for Mr. Smith exclusively"; "did it solely for money"; "the burden of proof rests on the prosecution alone"; "a privilege granted only to him"
• alone(p): exclusive of anyone or anything else; "she alone believed him"; "cannot live by bread alone"; "I'll have this car and this car only"
• without anybody else or anything else; "the child stayed home alone"; "the pillar stood alone, supporting nothing"; "he flew solo"
• alone(p): radically distinctive and without equal; "he is alone in the field of microbiology"; "this theory is altogether alone in its penetration of the problem"; "Bach was unique in his handling of counterpoint"; "craftsmen whose skill is unequaled"; "unparalleled athletic ability"; "a ...

Definitions of confusion on the Web:

• disorder resulting from a failure to behave predictably; "the army retreated in confusion"
• a mental state characterized by a lack of clear and orderly thought and behavior; "a confusion of impressions"
• a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused
• an act causing a disorderly combination of elements with identities lost and distinctions blended; "the confusion of tongues at the Tower of Babel"
• a mistake that results from taking one thing to be another; "he changed his name in order to avoid confusion with the notorious outlaw"

Truth.

I've walked through a Door,

and I've been thinking. Should I close this door forever.

Never to even think about opening it again.

It would make sense to close this door with the path God has given me.

Would it be a God thing to close this door? I don't know.

Would it be a God thing to leave it open? I don't know.

I have a roof over my head.

I'm glad I do.

Why?
Its cold out.

Thank you Jesus=)

The Reason

I sit here in two pieces.

Where I'm sitting is where I don't want to be.

Home. Home is usually a place where your comfortable.

It's where your welcomed.

A place of love.

My water is starting to get salty.

I never liked salty water.

It's raining in the house, but the curtains are closed.

Open the doors and you'll see the real house.

Broken furniture, torn walls, molding food.

It's hard to fix those things in the rain.

Have to wait for the rain to stop and the walls and floors dry.

I am weak.

Stronger I must become.

Stronger I will become.

Growing

I've learned much about my self over this winter break.

More of who I am and how I do things.

I really like hugs. Like, I really really like them. As specially when there from people I hold close to my heart. But I'm also really really shy when it comes to them. I pretend to not want them or that I'm too "manly" for them haha. When I do get one, I'll over do it or not hug them hug them. I'll like pick them up as if it's a joke or just use one arm.

I've become a more keep to my self guy. I don't share as much as I used to. When I'm in need of help, I don't ask. I don't show my sorrows or pain or sadness. I just hid it in some corner of my heart and just let it build. When I'm having troubles at home or in my spiritual walk, I don't ask for help or prayer. I feel like I have to man up to it and handle it on my own. Blogging is my out sourcing now.

Your smile is the best gift you can ever give me. And I'm serious. It will beat a PS3 any day.

Well, your laugh is pretty awesome too. Haha. Seeing people smile and laugh, having a good time is awesome. I love making people smile and laugh. And I hate it hate it hate it hate it when people or down.

I don't like to play video games by my self. Its only fun when I'm playing with someone. Someone to share the enjoyment with. Well not just video games. But anything and everything almost. I don't like to do things on my own. Watching TV, working out, playing games, studying...

It's all funner when I'm doing it with someone.