Sunday, March 25, 2007

Who said it was easy being a christian??

This morning I felt like puking my guts out and then chopping off my head from a MASSIVE head ache so I decide not to go to Church, and that was a big big mistake.
So I slept in a bit and when I woke up I felt better. My parents brought me and my sister to the cemetery to see my grandpa and "Bi Sun". When we got there my aunt, uncle and grandmas were all doing the Chinese bi sun thing with those Chinese sticks and the the burning of the money. After a while then they asked me to do the bi sun stuff with the sticks and I said no. Right after that my mom said (in Chinese) your not baptized so come here and just do it, its not like your actually apart of the church. I was ticked off but I managed to suppress it. Then my grandma walks over to me and makes my me feel even worse and said (in Chinese) of all the kids in the family he loved you the most so why don't you bi sun. And I was even more angry with that and felt bad....Sigh* what a bad morning today was.

Over the past several weeks I have been killing my self by not sleeping enough. After school I just want to go fall on the floor and sleep, but I can't. Have parasitic and then go to my cousin and make sure they do there homework, do my homework and when all that is done its around 11 or 12. And then I need to take a shower and stuff. I do my devotions and journal and when I crawl into bed, my mind goes thinks about everything and I can't fall asleep for another 30min to an hour. Now I'm thinking about quitting rugby, taking four academic courses, tutoring cousins and joining rugby isn't the best idea. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELP ME JESUS!!...
And yes I've been praying everyday before I go to sleep, or try to sleep and well, my mind is still in a mess after that!!

But hey, on the brighter side of things I started to go to another bible study on Saturday mornings at the panorama community center. Another day of fellowshiping with other believers. Another day of being able to learn about God. Even with all the things going on in my life and the busyness, God gave me more time to be with Him. And that's all I could ever ask for.

1 comments:

Havok said...

don't forget to take time and be by yourself with God :) reflective times are good despite business...hmmm...i should use my own advice :)