Did I just...YES I DID

That right folks... I DID IT..
Yuppers..

I DID IT..CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

I DID IT..

and for those of you who don't know..

I changed my profile picture..haha

first time since i started blogging lol

Tomorrow, I'm going to be stuck at school until like...10pm. I'm going to be working on my paper all night long. I get off class at 6. and from 6-10 I'll work on it. Hopefully my dad will remember to pick me and, and hopefully he'll let me drive haha. He let my drive on Monday. It was fun going on 14th by nose hill park. I hit 100=P haha. You know, I believe I speed because of Clem's speeding. I'm so use to going so fast that when I'm driving, I feel like I'm going so slow haha. I can't stand my moms driving anymore because she always goes 5-10 under the limit.

I found out I'm working AGAIN on Sunday. This will be the last of the Sunday's because Mindy, the waitress will be back from China and be working again. I realized I really don't like working on Sunday's no matter how much tips I get. Sunday is when I should be hanging with everyone and getting closer to them. Being with the boys and helping them out for making them feel more welcome at church. But this Sunday I had to ditch and go to work T_T.

You know, I need to hang with my home slice, which is a straight up G from the hood yo.

You know who you are hahaha. We haven't hung in a while. Come to think of it...I don't remember us hanging yo. Only eating at flight deck that one time haha. YA HEAR THAT G SLICE HOMIE, WE NEEDA HANG YO. haha

I really really like...or i mean no. I don't like..I...LOVE church. Being around everyone is so much fun. Worship is always amazing. No matter what song or who's leading, its always good when God is there. Oh wait...GOD IS ALWAYS THERE SO ITS ALWAYS GOOD haha. I'm cool =D

I've also decided, that I don't need a new job. I don't mind sticking with this one. The workers are nice, my manager pretty laid back and I get unlimited pop haha. If I suddenly find or someone offers me a super awesome job then I guess I'll take it and quit. But other then that, I think I'll stick to being a bus boy at sushi ichiban. School has been cool. Been seeing peoples around more often and hanging with them more between and after class. I now share a locker with Steven and maybe use his gym locker hahaha.

I'm hungry..I think I'll...

GO HAVE SOME JESUS!!!

=D!!!

GOT JESUS?

I DO!=D!!!!!!!

(\_/)

(^_^)

C(")(")

Crying in the heavy rain...

Church.
Its the only place where I can forget about everything and smile.

I ask Him to help me out everyday.

But its always the same answer.
Wait.

I'm getting really weak. Really tired.

I know, He'll never give you anything you can't handle.

I can handle this. But I feel so lonely doing it.

I wish, how I wish...things could be different.

It feel like...if I do come back...I'll have nothing.

No one to turn to.

And it hurts.

I've thought about it over and over again.

And now, I'm just about sure..

I will have no one to turn to.

I'm getting better at this.

My coverings are so thick and well made.

Only God him self can see.

There's no point in trying.

If I were to start, its would only lead to sorrow.

So why do I even get my hopes up and try?

Because I'm a idiot.

The pains are so heavy.

I can feel my heart just bursting.

Can't help but clench my heart.

Hold on to it tight.

And try to heal the cuts.

You Lord, are the only one who sees.

Only one that knows.

Help me.

I need it.

I can't stand on my own two feet.

Can barley even craw.

It feel like a hand is grasping my neck.

Chocking the breath out of me.

A knife slowly pressing into my heart.

God,

give me strength.

Can someone just shoot me now.

It would be nice for it all to go away.

Ventless

I could...

Throw my fist thorough a wall.

Smash a table into pieces.

Fall on my knees and just cry.

Take an ax to a car.

Run until I throw up.

Punch a punching bag until my knuckles bleed.

Floor the gas pedal with no one to stop me.

Scream and yell till I'm voice less.

I could do all that,

but still I would get no response.

I just want to flip outta control. Just RUN AND DISAPPEAR!!
JUST BE GONE!

Away from feeling like this.

WILL IT GO AWAY!
COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!! BUZZ OFF!!!LEAVE IT!!!GO AWAY!!!!

Right now.

I just wan to cry.

I feel so. So alone in this family.

So far away from everyone.

A dim fire hidden away in a dark forest.

Unseeable and unnoticeable from a distance.

Surrounded by darkness, the fire suffocates in the darkness.

Waiting for a fire to burn away the darkness,

to ignite this gas that is so ready to burn.

To burn away the stench that is suffocating this heart.

Just another test?

A really really hard one.

I'll pass...

right?

Just have to keep hacking at it.

Once you get thorough the hard outer layer.

You'll hit the soft inner layers and all will come out.

Not even worth a please or thank you.

I'll sleep on it again.
Goodnight all.

One, Two

Quite often, I feel cornered.

Pushed and shoved in to the corner at home.

I get stuck in the corner and left behind.

Its like a tag team fight. I just have no one to tag out with.

And after a while, I get tired and give up some hits, several hits.

Once I get knocked out, I'm slow to get back up, but I do, and

its like a cycle. I jump back up, throw a few good hits, then get tired

and once again fall back down.

It gets kinda annoying.