Things.

The most simplest things,

bring so much weight.

Tank On.

Taking On.

What was I thinking.

I don't need to rethink my strategy.

It's fine.
It'll work

Heart on Hold

I wanna watch Dear John.

I just saw the preview for the movie today, and well..

It captured my attention in a different way.

After I saw the preview, it got me to thinking..

When I do join the army..

Will I come back?

Will I even live?

It got me to rethinking my strategy..

Would it be worth it to fall in love?

Would any girl wait that long..

If there is such an amazing one willing to wait..

What if I were to stay? or die?

Wouldn't they be crushed..

Well, there all "what ifs" thoughts.

So I'll just throw those thoughts aside for now.

My Iron Wall

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Reminders

My greatest fear has nothing to do with anything of this world.

My greatest fear is what God will do if I do not obey.

He told me, and has reminded me many times.

Reminded me so often, that I know, this is something I cannot avoid.

I've always known I guess. That I cannot change a path that was made for me.

A friend of mine put a hole through my wall, and a whole bunch of water came out.

Now, I want to fix this wall. But how can I?

With my friend standing right there, continuing to put holes in my wall.

There is a way. To push my friend aside, and put up something that is stronger the brick.

Something no one can break open.

But to get this material, and summon the strength to push my friend aside. It would hurt me deeply.

I lied, I was not tired, but was lost in the fog of the night.

The thick cloud of nothingness.

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I was surprised when you told me that you were wearing that necklace I got you way back when. I stumbled on what to say. I didn't believe it was the same one I got you. Thank you. Thank you for wearing it. It made me happy.

What is leader? What are attribute of a leader?

Lately. I've been wondering about that. Am I a capable leader? Am I a capable Chair for YAC?

Why me? Its been puzzling. A lot of reflecting I've been doing, mainly on faults and errors I see with in what I've been doing. How to correct these things. But currently, I'm only seeing with me eyes. Only what I think is wrong. As a leader and Chair for YAC, what am I doing wrong? As a man of God, what can I improve on?

Dictionary

Definitions of empty on the Web:

• make void or empty of contents; "Empty the box"; "The alarm emptied the building"
• holding or containing nothing; "an empty glass"; "an empty room"; "full of empty seats"; "empty hours"
• vacate: leave behind empty; move out of; "You must vacate your office by tonight"
• devoid of significance or point; "empty promises"; "a hollow victory"; "vacuous comments"
• remove; "Empty the water"
• needing nourishment; "after skipped lunch the men were empty by suppertime"; "empty-bellied children"
• evacuate: excrete or discharge from the body
• a container that has been emptied; "return all empties to the store"
• emptied of emotion; "after the violent argument he felt empty

Definitions of Hurt on the Web:

• ache: be the source of pain
• give trouble or pain to; "This exercise will hurt your back"
• pain: cause emotional anguish or make miserable; "It pains me to see my children not being taught well in school"
• injury: any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc.
• cause damage or affect negatively; "Our business was hurt by the new competition"
• distress: psychological suffering; "the death of his wife caused him great distress"
• hurt the feelings of; "She hurt me when she did not include me among her guests"; "This remark really bruised my ego"
• suffering: feelings of mental or physical pain
• feel physical pain; "Were you hurting after the accident?"
• detriment: a damage or loss
• suffering from physical injury especially that suffered in battle; "nursing his wounded arm"; "ambulances...for the hurt men and women"
• suffer: feel pain or be in pain
• damage: the act of damaging something or someone
• damaged inanimate objects or their value

Definitions of Fear on the Web:

• be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; "I fear she might get aggressive"
• be afraid or scared of; be frightened of; "I fear the winters in Moscow"; "We should not fear the Communists!"
• be sorry; used to introduce an unpleasant statement; "I fear I won't make it to your wedding party"
• an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight)
• be uneasy or apprehensive about; "I fear the results of the final exams"
• concern: an anxious feeling; "care had aged him"; "they hushed it up out of fear of public reaction"
• reverence: regard with feelings of respect and reverence; consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of; "Fear God as your father"; "We venerate genius"
• a feeling of profound respect for someone or something; "the fear of God"; "the Chinese reverence for the dead"; "the French treat food with gentle reverence"; "his respect for the law bordered on veneration

Definitions of fade on the Web:

• become less clearly visible or distinguishable; disappear gradually or seemingly; "The scene begins to fade"; "The tree trunks are melting into the forest at dusk"
• lose freshness, vigor, or vitality; "Her bloom was fading"
• evanesce: disappear gradually; "The pain eventually passed off"
• slice: a golf shot that curves to the right for a right-handed golfer; "he took lessons to cure his slicing"
• languish: become feeble; "The prisoner has be languishing for years in the dungeon"
• gradually ceasing to be visible

Definitions of love on the Web:

• a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; "his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"
• any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";
• have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"
• beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
• get pleasure from; "I love cooking"
• a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love"
• be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply"
• a score of zero in tennis or squash; "it was 40 love"
• sleep together: have sexual intercourse with; "This student sleeps with everyone in her dorm"; "Adam knew Eve"; "Were you ever intimate with this man?"
• sexual love: sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people; "his lovemaking disgusted her"; "he hadn't had any love in months"; "he has a very complicated love life"

Definitions of future on the Web:

• yet to be or coming; "some future historian will evaluate him"
• the time yet to come
• effective in or looking toward the future; "he was preparing for future employment opportunities"
• a verb tense that expresses actions or states in the future
• future(a): (of elected officers) elected but not yet serving; "our next president"
• bulk commodities bought or sold at an agreed price for delivery at a specified future date
• a verb tense or other formation referring to events or states that have not yet happened; "future auxiliary"

Definitions of alone on the Web:

• alone(p): isolated from others; "could be alone in a crowded room"; "was alone with her thoughts"; "I want to be alone"
• alone(p): lacking companions or companionship; "he was alone when we met him"; "she is alone much of the time"; "the lone skier on the mountain"; "a lonely fisherman stood on a tuft of gravel"; "a lonely soul"; "a solitary traveler"
• entirely: without any others being included or involved; "was entirely to blame"; "a school devoted entirely to the needs of problem children"; "he works for Mr. Smith exclusively"; "did it solely for money"; "the burden of proof rests on the prosecution alone"; "a privilege granted only to him"
• alone(p): exclusive of anyone or anything else; "she alone believed him"; "cannot live by bread alone"; "I'll have this car and this car only"
• without anybody else or anything else; "the child stayed home alone"; "the pillar stood alone, supporting nothing"; "he flew solo"
• alone(p): radically distinctive and without equal; "he is alone in the field of microbiology"; "this theory is altogether alone in its penetration of the problem"; "Bach was unique in his handling of counterpoint"; "craftsmen whose skill is unequaled"; "unparalleled athletic ability"; "a ...

Definitions of confusion on the Web:

• disorder resulting from a failure to behave predictably; "the army retreated in confusion"
• a mental state characterized by a lack of clear and orderly thought and behavior; "a confusion of impressions"
• a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused
• an act causing a disorderly combination of elements with identities lost and distinctions blended; "the confusion of tongues at the Tower of Babel"
• a mistake that results from taking one thing to be another; "he changed his name in order to avoid confusion with the notorious outlaw"

Truth.

I've walked through a Door,

and I've been thinking. Should I close this door forever.

Never to even think about opening it again.

It would make sense to close this door with the path God has given me.

Would it be a God thing to close this door? I don't know.

Would it be a God thing to leave it open? I don't know.

I have a roof over my head.

I'm glad I do.

Why?
Its cold out.

Thank you Jesus=)

The Reason

I sit here in two pieces.

Where I'm sitting is where I don't want to be.

Home. Home is usually a place where your comfortable.

It's where your welcomed.

A place of love.

My water is starting to get salty.

I never liked salty water.

It's raining in the house, but the curtains are closed.

Open the doors and you'll see the real house.

Broken furniture, torn walls, molding food.

It's hard to fix those things in the rain.

Have to wait for the rain to stop and the walls and floors dry.

I am weak.

Stronger I must become.

Stronger I will become.

Growing

I've learned much about my self over this winter break.

More of who I am and how I do things.

I really like hugs. Like, I really really like them. As specially when there from people I hold close to my heart. But I'm also really really shy when it comes to them. I pretend to not want them or that I'm too "manly" for them haha. When I do get one, I'll over do it or not hug them hug them. I'll like pick them up as if it's a joke or just use one arm.

I've become a more keep to my self guy. I don't share as much as I used to. When I'm in need of help, I don't ask. I don't show my sorrows or pain or sadness. I just hid it in some corner of my heart and just let it build. When I'm having troubles at home or in my spiritual walk, I don't ask for help or prayer. I feel like I have to man up to it and handle it on my own. Blogging is my out sourcing now.

Your smile is the best gift you can ever give me. And I'm serious. It will beat a PS3 any day.

Well, your laugh is pretty awesome too. Haha. Seeing people smile and laugh, having a good time is awesome. I love making people smile and laugh. And I hate it hate it hate it hate it when people or down.

I don't like to play video games by my self. Its only fun when I'm playing with someone. Someone to share the enjoyment with. Well not just video games. But anything and everything almost. I don't like to do things on my own. Watching TV, working out, playing games, studying...

It's all funner when I'm doing it with someone.